Red vest paired with a pirate hat.

Yesterday I went to bowling class and found a stray cell phone at the table I was going to sit at. After contemplating and discussing the situation with Vanessa and Josh, we decided we would text someone from this mysterious person's phone and get them to retrieve it (we thought this was being very kind). So, I looked at mystery person's 5 texts in their inbox and found one about being missed and loved. I texted the misser/lover telling them that the missed/loved person's phone was left in the bowling alley. They responded that 1)they were the mysterious person's husband, 2)the mysterious person had a name, Ashley, 3)we should take the phone to them in the Benson building, 4)their name was Davey, and 5)they were wearing a red vest and a pirate's hat. Um, yeah, none of that information was necessary, buddy. Just tell me that you'll pick it up at the bowling alley later or something, because I am so not even going to deliver mystery Ashley's phone to a strange man in a red vest and a pirate hat. No no no. And who on earth wears a red vest and pirate hat in the first place? I mean seriously, who wakes up in the morning and thinks, "Gee, I think today is a good day to whip out my pirate hat and red vest. Yup, I think that will look real nice." Psychos. Man alive.