Crocs: Not a Shoe

Crocs are not shoes. Maybe they are shoos, shews, or shus, but they are certainly not shoes. You probably shouldn't continue reading if you are a Crocs wearer or supporter because there is a 100% guarantee that you will get offended. Alright, moving on.
Crocs are the most unclassy item that you could put on your foot. Personally, I like feet. I think they are sleek and should be treated with respect. Their beauty should be accentuated with attractive things like a fierce heel or a cute flat. Wearing a piece of colorful and expensive rubber is like announcing to the world that you are a fashionless slob. They turn every outfit into a disaster. They do not match anything.
I understand that Crocs are somewhat comfortable. NO EXCUSE! We must not sacrifice for comfort! I was absolutely horrified to find out that Crocs have expanded and now make boots. Oh dear. No no no. Crocs are a disgrace to our society. They are purely despicable.
So, all you Croc people hate me now. But just wait for the day that I get the job that we both applied for and you deserved, but you made the mistake of wearing Crocs to the interview. Then you'll really hate me.