Baby, if you wanna find out

Oh how I love freshman. Oh how I hate their parents. I've had the following conversation about a billion times at the information desk:
(my thoughts are in italics)

Parent: My child is a freshman
Me: (Oh dear, here we go)
Parent: What do we do first?
Me: (really now?) Get your child an identity.
Parent: Haha, an identity!
Me: (yes I know, I'm very funny.)
Parent: And where do we do that?
Me: (there are large letters spelling out "STUDENT ID CENTER" about 10 five to your left...) Just right in the ID Center a few feet to your left.
Parent: Oh! You get your ID in the ID center?
Me: (no... that's where you get your books...) Yes, you do indeed.
Parent: Ok, and where do they get their meal plan card?
Me: (why didn't you just drop your kid off and let them figure this stuff out on their own?) Their ID card acts as their signature card as well as their meal plan card.
Parent: So they don't need to get another card?
Me: (pretty sure that's what I just said.) Nope, just the ID card.
Parent: So how do they get their food?
Me: (you should've just dropped them off.... really, just let your child go...) They'll just swipe their card at the Cannon Center, Cougar Eat or Creamery.
Parent: So they don't need another card?
Freshman: Mom.....
Me: (let your child go...) No, they do not.
Parent: And how does their meal plan money get on their card?
Me: (oh no, you're going to cry when you say goodbye to your kid, aren't you?) It'll automatically be put on each week.
Parent: So we don't need to do anything?
Me: (aye carumba) Nope, it'll all be done automatically.
Parent: Alright, I just have one more question.
Me: (really doubt that)
Parent: How can they get an All-Sports Pass?
Me: They're all sold out.
Parent: What? Well then how are we going to get one?
Me: (well actually, I just made that up and I have a stack of them behind my desk that I give to people like you) I'm sorry, but they've been sold out for a couple of weeks now. You can get single football tickets through the Marriott Center ticket office.
Parent: How could they already be sold out!
Me: (people bought them, der.) I'm sorry about that. They've been on sale for quite some time now. Apparently BYU has a lot of exciting home games this year.
Parent: So there's no way to get one?
Me: (can't you see that there are nearly 15 people in line behind you waiting?) Not legally.
Parent: Alright, well, thanks for your help. We'll go get them their ID card now.
Me: (it's about time) No problem, and good luck!
Me: Who can I help next?
Parent #2: Oh, well, my child is a freshman. What do we need to do first?
Me: (really now?)

Also, today I learned that regular dish soap isn't really meant for the dishwasher. I didn't know so many bubbles could be produced in such a short period of time. Or that they could escape from the dishwasher in such a grand manner.